Livebloog 3: I will die on the hill of PF minituia.
Same thing here, folks. Link is just below if you think I’m making this shit up.
https://glowfic.com/posts/7028?view=flat
Well, Lily (the girl our foster ma Evelyn was bathing) is super-excited to meet her new big sister and runs out as soon as the cars shows up, which is charming if a bit worrying. We cut immediately to Iomedae’s PoV, noting the size and quality of the house. Again, this is a really big weakness of the RP posty format of this fic; we only get the very occasional detailed paragraph digging into people’s thought processes. And while I’m assuming that this is meant to be the author again projecting dark-age medieval Europe bullshit values, I’m actually thinking of the extremely fancy construction you see in Golarion, with actual magic to move, shape, and just outright conjure stone. On the other hand, I’m also going with the idea that Iomedae has lived literally her entire life on a farm and not actually seen a city, and thus doesn’t know what a mansion actually looks like in our world or hers.
What, I wonder, is Iomedae doing here? (I mean, in her mind. Obviously she has been dropped here by a much more capricious god than Aroden to serve as an awkward author mouthpiece.) Is she on a generic knight-errant quest? (Again, I’m looking forward to her watching a news report on the cartels to the south, watching a little lightbulb go off in her mind, and seeing her head south to smite Evil.) Is she still looking for the Whispering Tyrant, or someone of equivalent stature here? Presumably, she considers this just a rest stop while she manages to learn enough English to explain to whatever weird elf-blooded people live in this part of the world that no, she is of age by normal human standards.
Now that I’m thinking about it, Iomedae has asked oddly few questions throughout this entire process. Why hasn’t she asked how one becomes an adult?
Well, as they do, the hyperactive six-year-old pre-empts the discussion and jumps into excitedly babbling at her new big sis, who seems quite capable of handling the situation (as one would expect, given her background). This, of course, is Sus to the social worker.
Social Worker: See, she figured Iomedae would be good with younger kids. The problem might be making sure she isn’t too good with them. Fundie cults often have some severe parentification issues.
See, I was going to have this whole sarcastic bit about “Do you not know how families with siblings work?”, but, I mean, social worker. So, unironically no.
Evelyn has similar ideas, but she appears much more functional; she has as a policy not to criticize the old families of the children she fosters in front of them, even if she’s also assuming Iomedae’s holy quest from God was just an excuse to get herself out of a bad situation. Well, hopefully that means Iomedae will only be righteously smiting one heretic in the near future. She also immediately starts setting expectations about rules and policies while in her house, which seems like the perfect approach for an actual paladin. Let’s see if it works for Iomedae.
I’m also seeing that Lily isn’t just super-excited, she appears to have a genuine speech impediment, and is babbling barely-comprehensible pidgin. Apparently this is going to be a whole thing, then. Hmm. I wonder if we’re going to get Iomedae’s magical Comprehend Langauges to come in clutch here.
We also learn that Evelyn is divorced. No details as to why. Iomedae doesn’t comment on it. Hmm. I wonder what Evelyn does that she can afford the fancy house and foster multiple kids?
…Are we going to send Iomedae to public school? In Texas?
And…OK, this is getting genuinely annoying. Iomedae is shown around the house and her bathroom and is dutifully impressed by indoor plumbing, which of course continues to peg “Oh, the poor dear raised in poverty by Fundie cultists.” meter. She does not ask if the house uses a common Decanter of Endless Water or it’s a bespoke enchantment, or if there is a marid house-servant around she will need to be cautious of, or any other extremely sensible question someone from a world with magic would ask when they see potentially-dangerous magic and they don’t know how it works.
She also hasn’t asked if she can get a replacement weapon for her impounded sword, asked hesitantly if the first-floor windows might be too large and admit thieving goblins in the night, asked if the local ankhegs and bulettes left different ground-sign than she was used to, or severely demanding to draw the Sign of Aroden on the wall of Lily’s bedroom to keep night-hags out of her dreams. She also hasn’t asked where the outhouse was, so if there is a little gardening shed for lawn upkeep in this fancy house, there might be a hilarious misunderstanding in the next few days.
But this whole deal is feeling awkward and artificial. Iomedae is from a world where things we take for granted are fantastical. And also vice fucking versa. It feels…well, it feels exactly like what it is; someone is awkwardly hand-holding Iomedae through every conversation she’s had to stop her from saying anything that would, if actually interrogated, reveal that either she was bugfuck crazy, or everything the listener knew about the world and cosmos was wrong.
Iomedae again is acting extremely sanguine about being a governess for some unspecified time. If she has stumbled into a conclave of round-eared elves, she could be signing up for the duration of her natural life before she turns 80 and is considered a young adult at last. The story is being extremely unhelpful and cagey about what she knows and when she learned it, and it’s being even worse about thinking what Iomedae should know firmly that isn’t so in Earth.
Also, we do get confirmation that Lily is indeed special needs and nightly tantrums are the expected thing thing. Also, that Lily goes to school, and Iomedae will be going soon as well. Hmm. I wonder what Iomedae’s thoughts are on corporal punishment in response to misbehavior, if we are having her be a faux-medieval.
And…huh, we get confirmation that whatever Iomedae is using to get her weird-ass awkward and unnatural speech patterns, it isn’t magic, or at least isn’t Comprehend Languages. One thing I noted but didn’t bring up earlier was that Iomedae is not talking like a normal person even in her stilted speech; if she was learning a combination of English and Spanish, I’d expect her to drop into Spanish when she knows a word in one language but not another. I’d also expect her to drop into Common (or Taldoran) when startled or thinking, and hell, maybe she knows Celestial, since I have no idea where she did put her starting skill points. I was hoping the answer was “She is awkward because of magic.” but it appears she’s just awkward. And that, unless I miss my mark, is another hole in the stern of the U.S.S. This Story Having Anything To Do With Actual Fucking Golarion And Pathfinder.
Iomedae, as part of her Assumed Governess and general assumed normal duties for people in a household duties, tells (because she can’t read English yet) Lily a bedtime story.
Iomedae: “Once was a girl. Lived with sisters and brothers in a big house, so big. Wanted to save people. so she became a holy warrior of God. She left her home with a sword. A terrible evil was. She wanted to fight it. But she was too small. She could only fight small evils, but every one she fight, she stronger. One day, so strong, no evils will fight her! They will all run away! She will go into Hell and the devils will run from her! I am this girl, you are this girl. Everyone is this girl. Everyone can do this, only need to be strong and never stop.”
Iomedae, I have bad news for you about both your fighting of the big evil of Tar-Baphon, and your eventual track record for personally crusading against Hell in Wrath of the Righteous (hint; the module is not named after your wrath). But this is the closest we’ve got to Iomedae referencing that she is a heroic adventurer who levels up and gets stronger, and I am looking forward to that bit quite a lot.
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